利用人际关系成就个人成功的秘密

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"《Never Eat Alone》是一本关于个人成功的书籍，作者Keith Ferrazzi主张通过建立人际关系来实现成功。书中的核心理念是，高度成功人士与其他人之间的区别在于他们如何利用关系的力量，从而达到共赢的局面。" 《永不单独用餐》(Never Eat Alone)是由Keith Ferrazzi与Tahl Raz合著的一本探讨职业成功的著作。这本书强调了人际网络在个人成功中的关键作用。Ferrazzi早年就认识到，与他人的联系和合作是区分普通人和极其成功人士的关键因素。他认为，真正的成功不仅仅是个人的成就，更是通过建立和维护良好的人际关系，使每个人都从中受益。书中提到，成功并不意味着要独自奋斗，而是要学会与他人共享经验和资源。通过不断拓展人脉、建立深层次的联系，我们可以获取更多的机会、知识和洞察力，从而推动自己的职业生涯前进。作者鼓励读者将社交活动视为一种长期投资，而不是短期的交易行为，因为真诚的交往和互相帮助能够建立起稳固且持久的关系网。本书内容可能涵盖了如何有效地建立和维护人际关系，包括但不限于： 1. **主动出击**：成功的人懂得主动接触他人，不断拓展自己的社交圈，而不是等待机会上门。 2. **互利共赢**：倡导建立基于互惠互利的关系，让每个人都能从互动中获益。 3. **深度连接**：不仅要有广大的人脉，还要有深度的联系，这意味着要真正关心他人，分享价值，而非仅仅交换名片。 4. **持续培养**：成功的关系需要时间和努力去培养，通过定期的交流和共同的经历来加深联系。 5. **诚实与透明**：建立信任的基础是坦诚和透明，这有助于建立更稳固的关系。 6. **网络智慧**：懂得如何在各种场合中建立和维护关系，包括线上和线下，工作和私人生活中的社交活动。此外，书中可能还会提供实用的策略和技巧，教导读者如何在职场中有效地建立和利用人脉，以及如何处理人际关系中的挑战和冲突。《永不单独用餐》是一本面向希望在职业道路上取得成功的人的指南，它强调了人际关系在个人发展中的重要性，并提供了实现这一目标的实践方法。

Becoming a Member of the Club

who don't. I made an observation in those days that would alter

the way I viewed the world.

During those long stretches on the links, as I carried their bags,

I watched how the people who had reached professional heights

unknown to my father and mother helped each other. They found

one another jobs, they invested time and money in one another's

ideas, and they made sure their kids got help getting into the best

schools, got the right internships, and ultimately got the best jobs.

Before my eyes, I saw proof that success breeds success and,

indeed, the rich do get richer. Their web of friends and associates

was the most potent club the people I caddied for had in their

bags. Poverty, I realized, wasn't only a lack of financial resources; it

was isolation from the kind of people that could help you make

more of yourself.

I came to believe that in some very specific ways life, like golf,

is a game, and that the people who know the rules, and know them

well, play it best and succeed. And the rule in life that has unprece-

dented power is that the individual who knows the right people,

for the right reasons, and utilizes the power of these relationships,

can become a member of the "club," whether he started out as a

caddie or not.

This realization came with some empowering implications. To

achieve your goals in life, I realized, it matters less how smart you

are, how much innate talent you're born with, or even, most eye-

opening to me, where you came from and how much you started

out with. Sure all these are important, but they mean little if you

don't understand one thing: You can't get there alone. In fact, you

can't get very far at all.

Fortunately, I was hungry to make something of myself (and,

frankly, even more terrified that I'd amount to nothing). Other-

wise, perhaps I would have just stood by and watched like my

friends in the caddy yard.

I first began to learn about the incredible power of relation-

Never Eat Alone

ships from Mrs. Poland. Carol Poland was married to the owner

of the big lumberyard in our town, and her son, Brett, who was

my age, was my friend. They went to our church. At the time, I

probably wanted to be Brett (great athlete, rich, all the girls falling

over him).

At the club, I was Mrs. Poland's caddie. I was the only one who

cared enough, ironically, to hide her cigarettes. I busted my

behind to help her win every tournament. I'd walk the course the

morning before to see where the tough pin placements were. I'd

test the speed of the greens. Mrs. Poland started racking up wins

left and right. Every ladies day, I did such a great job that she

would brag about me to her friends. Soon, others requested me.

I'd caddie thirty-six holes a day if I could get the work, and I

made sure I treated the club caddie-master as if he were a king. My

first year, I won the annual caddie award, which gave me the

chance to caddie for Arnold Palmer when he came to play on his

hometown course. Arnie started out as a caddie himself at the

Latrobe Country Club and went on to own the club as an adult. I

looked up to him as a role model. He was living proof that success

in golf, and in life, had nothing to do with class. It was about

access (yes, and talent, at least in his case). Some gained access

through birth or money. Some were fantastic at what they did, like

Arnold Palmer. My edge, I knew, was my initiative and drive.

Arnie was inspirational proof that your past need not be prologue

to your future.

For years I was a de facto member of the Poland family, split-

ting holidays with them and hanging out at their house nearly

every day. Brett and I were inseparable, and I loved his family like

my own. Mrs. Poland made sure I got to know everyone in the

club that could help me, and if she saw me slacking, I'd hear it

from her. I helped her on the golf course, and she, in appreciation

of my efforts and the care I bestowed upon her, helped me in life.

She provided me with a simple but profound lesson about the

Becoming a Member of the Club

power of generosity. When you help others, they often help you.

Reciprocity is the gussied-up word people use later in life to

describe this ageless principle. I just knew the word as "care." We

cared for each other, so we went out of our way to do nice things.

Because of those days, and specifically that lesson, I came to

realize that first semester at business school that Harvard's hyper-

competitive, individualistic students had it all wrong. Success in

any field, but especially in business, is about working with people,

not against them. No tabulation of dollars and cents can account

for one immutable fact: Business is a human enterprise, driven

and determined by people.

It wasn't too far into my second semester before I started jok-

ingly reassuring myself, "How on earth did all these other people

get in here?"

What many of my fellow students lacked, I discovered, were

the skills and strategies that are associated with fostering and

building relationships. In America, and especially in business,

we're brought up to cherish John Wayne individualism. People

who consciously court others to become involved in their lives are

seen as schmoozers, brown-nosers, smarmy sycophants.

Over the years, I learned that the outrageous number of mis-

perceptions clouding those who are active relationship-builders is

equaled only by the misperceptions of how relationship-building

is done properly. What I saw on the golf course—friends helping

friends and families helping families they cared about—had noth-

ing to do with manipulation or quid pro quo. Rarely was there any

running tally of who did what for whom, or strategies concocted

in which you give just so you could get.

Over time, I came to see reaching out to people as a way to

make a difference in people's lives as well as a way to explore and

learn and enrich my own; it became the conscious construction of

my life's path. Once I saw my networking efforts in this light, I

gave myself permission to practice it with abandon in every part

Never Eat Alone

of my professional and personal life. I didn't think of it as cold and

impersonal, the way I thought of "networking." I was, instead, con-

necting—sharing my knowledge and resources, time and energy,

friends and associates, and empathy and compassion in a contin-

ual effort to provide value to others, while coincidentally increas-

ing my own. Like business itself, being a connector is not about

managing transactions, but about managing relationships.

People who instinctively establish a strong network of rela-

tionships have always created great businesses. If you strip busi-

ness down to its basics, it's still about people selling things to other

people. That idea can get lost in the tremendous hubbub the busi-

ness world perpetually stirs up around everything from brands

and technology to design and price considerations in an endless

search for the ultimate competitive advantage. But ask any accom-

plished CEO or entrepreneur or professional how they achieved

their success, and I guarantee you'll hear very little business jar-

gon. What you will mostly hear about are the people who helped

pave their way, if they are being honest and not too caught up in

their own success.

After two decades of successfully applying the power of rela-

tionships in my own life and career, I've come to believe that con-

necting is one of the most important business—and life—skill

sets you'll ever learn. Why? Because, flat out, people do business

with people they know and like. Careers—in every imaginable

field—work the same way. Even our overall well-being and sense

of happiness, as a library's worth of research has shown, is dic-

tated in large part by the support and guidance and love we get

from the community we build for ourselves.

It took me a while to figure out exactly how to go about con-

necting with others. But I knew for certain that whether I wanted

to become president of the United States or the president of a local

PTA, there were a lot of other people whose help I would need

along the way.

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